***Warning Mature Audiences only*** 

***Mom, you might want to skip***

One of the highlights of my military career was having the opportunity to travel around the world. It’s a dream I had since a little kid. I grew up in Oklahoma City, Ok and really didn’t start traveling until I was about 19 years old. 

My first two military deployments were in the sand box, but my favorite deployment was in 2007 when I had the opportunity to deploy on a Naval Ship and travel all over the Mediterranean.  

Ship life sucks balls! You live in what’s called a “berthing area”. I’m not sure why it’s called that, my guess is because its similar to cramming 100 guys into an elephants vagina! You sleep on a “coffin rack” that even Dracula wouldn’t be caught dead on. It’s about 6.5 feet long, 3 beds high and you barely have enough room for a hard on. 

I’ll cover all the fun facts of ship life in another story. Now to the good part, Libo!!!
“Liberty or Libo” is referred to in the military as time off. That 4 letter word is almost better than sex in our mind. There is something about Libo that makes you feel invincible, free and powerful. When you see a group of military guys getting set free for 24hrs, ladies you might wanna hide. It’s like unleashing a pack of horny lions into a community filled with lionesses during mating season! 

That’s exactly what happened in 2007 when we got off the ship in Dubai. Dubai was incredible. I never even heard of the place until we pulled in. Never in a million years would I have guessed we would visit such an elegant, beautiful place. The Marines have landed…….Hide!

Me and three of my buddies wanted to go to a club. We hop in a cab and tell the Pakistani cabbie to take us to the club. He tells us “no problem, I take you to good club”. He ends up dropping us off at this hotel looking place. We kinda look confused but figure this guys gotta know what he’s doing, he does live here. 

We walk in and there is what appeared to be a hotel bar around the corner from the front desk. We head through the double doors and are greeted by asian women everywhere! The girl to guy ratio was like 10:1! This was awesome! We didn’t even have a chance to sit down at a table before we had 2-3 girls a piece clinging on to us. We felt like rock stars and it was only the beginning. 

We sit down at a table with our new lady friends and order a beer. $15.00 for the same beer I pay 5bucks for on a bad day back home! Rediculous, but hey we have beautiful ladies with us. Before our beers even showed up the girls were trying to get us to go to their apartment. 2 of the guys wanted to go right away, but the other 2 of us wanted to at least drink a beer first.  

I never seen anything like it before in my life. These girls were actually fighting over us! Literally pulling the other away by the hair, hitting, scratching just to be the one sitting next to us.

The girls spoke choppy english, we understood just enough to realize they all apparently live at the same apartment complex and they wanted to have sex with Americans. No issues with us, that’s all we needed to know.

The apartment building was about 4 blocks away. We made a pact that no matter what we would meet up at a designated spot at a designated time and would all go back to the ship together. We had a curfew at midnight and that gave us about 3 hours to do whatever and a 30 min window to get back to ship. 

We each have 2 girls and walk over to this creepy apartment building that looked like something out of b-rated horror movie. We didn’t have cell phones or anything like that and all 4 of us went to different apartments in the complex. We made sure the girls had phones to contact each other in case we needed to get a hold of each other. 

Everything was going perfect. I walk in and there is a couple having sex in the living room. They don’t stop or anything. The 2 girls grab me and take me to the back. They undress me, wash me with a wash cloth. They get naked and start massaging me. Instant gratification, I just sat back and enjoyed the royal treatment. After a massage they took turns riding me. 

I swear a 3some is harder than it looks on TV! It’s hard enough pleasing one girl, but two! This was the first time I ever did anything like this and wasn’t sure what the proper etiquette was. I just kind of let them do what it was they did or wanted to do.

An hour passes and I tell them I gotta get going. We get dressed and I tell them to text the other girls to make sure my buddies met me at the spot. They then tell me ¥£€£%#%€# dollars. I don’t speak Chinese, but the only thing I got out of that was something dollars. Um, we didn’t discuss money. I thought this was free. I thought they were just horny girls that wanted a piece of American. 

Ok, whatever. I told them I didn’t have any cash on me but I could get some money from my buddies. So all 3 of us go to the spot and wait on the other 3 guys. Well it turns out this was also their first time and they didn’t know they needed cash either. None of us carried cash because we were going to different foreign countries and it’s just a pain to change currency. We just used plastic.  

So now we have the 4 of us trying to figure out a game plan and 8 pissed off Asian women that we owe a ton of money too. We tell the girls that we need an ATM and we can get cash no problem. We walk about 2 blocks and finally find an ATM. Long story short, none of our ATM cards were working because earlier in the day we each took out our daily limit and went shopping. Now it’s 11pm, we have just enough money on us to get a cab back to ship and we are about to get tortured and killed because we stiffed 8 Asian prostitutes in a foreign country!!!!!

The girls knew something was up because we were all 4 huddled together with no money in our hands whispering to each other. A couple of them were on their cell phones and the others had the serial killer look on their face. We see a cab stopped on a corner about a block away. Someone just got out of it. We take off in a mad sprint to the cab, hop in and tell the cabbie to GO GO GO! Our hearts were racing, we were laughing, crying, puking. You name it we were doing it. We just got away with having the night of our life, almost ending our life and now will be staying on ship for the next 2 days because the mob bosses will be looking for us. 

That had to be one of the best adventures of my lifetime. 

Moral of the story: don’t go to a “club” in Dubai without cash unless you want to see your life flash before your eyes! 

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